O-V-E-R-W-H-E-L-M-E-D

To say you are Overwhelmed by something can mean so many things. In my case the last month in a half has been very overwhelming due to the fact that I have learned so much about my health and the health history of both my parents. It’s been a roller coaster of information. I’ve been taking it all in like I’m suppose to. Blindsided by the outcome of everything that has been said.
Last month I go in to the Doctors for a routine checkup that all Females get. So ladies you know how that goes. Well my dr. say’s let’s do more test to figure out certain areas of my body that have been causing me some crazy knife stabbing pain. Not that I have ever been stabbed by a knife but I can assume it would feel this way. Just my way of thinking sorry. So they send me for a pelvic ultrasound which wasn’t fun cause I had to go in with a full bladder and yup the were pushing all up on my bladder trying to get selfies of it. As the ultrasound continued they took plenty of pictures and then I was on my way.
Of course my first question was where is your restroom and then after that it was how long will it take for the results to come in. They told me 24-48hrs. So in those 24-48hrs I did my research on what can be expected from this kind of Women’s ultrasound. I was overwhelmed by what I came up. I was drowning in the information, so I prayed that God would just get me through these next days until I get everything back from my doctor.
So finally, a week later the results are in, yes I was that nagging patient calling every day until the results were in. So here I go into the office heart ready to hear what was to come. Dr. walking in with a smile, me sitting there trying to read behind that smile. The greeting begins, and here we go Mrs. Ramirez we would like to send you in for more testing. My eyes watered up and opened wide as I asked for what exactly. Well it turned out that I have a 2cm cyst on my left ovary, a 1cm cyst on my right ovary and a 4cm cyst on my uterus. Talk about information overload. The dr. wanted more test done to see if I need them removed.
I’m filled with tears and my thoughts are all over the world right about now. I get a call from my mom asking how things went. I let her know the outcome and she threw me for a loop when she said, “You know your dad’s sisters had ovarian cancer.” Again, I felt like I was about to drown with all this info.
So I connected with one of my cousins from my dad’s side of the family and ask them about the family history of cancer. And it turns out that several of my aunts and one of my cousins have passed from ovarian and breast cancer. Again I go to research and start looking up things I can do to ask my doctor.
About a week later I meet with my OBGYN and after filling out what seemed like a box full of paperwork, I met with the dr. and again there was that greeting with a smile and here I was trying to read behind the look. The dr. had reviewed all the notes from the imaging and what I had told her about the family history. Her outcome was for me to take a Genetics Testing for BRCA which is a cancer gene in the body for breast or ovarian cancer and it takes about a month to receive these results. So the doctor checked me inside and out and then said let me send you in for more testing. I could feel the ground hit my head because I felt like I wanted to past out by those words. “MORE TESTING”. I mean come on how much testing can be done here people. Then off I go up to the 2nd floor for some more imaging but this time of my breast. I’m not a fan of selfies but apparently my body is. So snap after snap, picture after picture, and it was finally over.
My question again was how long will it take for the results. Same answer 24-48hrs.
I have to say in this time of waiting it has really brought me closer to God and it has really helped strengthen my relationships. I never knew how much support I would need in this waiting period of my life. God has sent me some awesome prayer warriors to help me refocus my thoughts, renew my spirit, and just refresh my attitude in this time.
I’ve had difficult mornings of just wanting to be in bed all day and not move a muscle. Days when clean, days when I read, days when I sing, days when I just want to stay away from the crowd. But in everyday I make it a point to meet with God because I know I can trust him and I know he is always there with me in every moment.
Another week has gone by and I call the office to see if my results are in, first they said no, then they said hold on let me check again. And no they had not received anything but they did call it in to get them. 45 mins later the lady calls me and drum roll please Mrs. Ramirez we need you to come in for more testing we found a 2cm lump on your left breast. Tears rolled down my face and for a minute I felt numb because this was one of the worst things women can hear for her doctor.
I took in all the info. hung up and cried out to my God to Please Help me understand this.
I went straight to my prayer warriors and they prayed over me and my health. After a few days of crying and overwhelming my brain with thoughts. I got myself together and decided to research what I can do to help deal with what is in front of me. I meet with my OB dr. she sent me to a surgeon for more testing. He did a biopsy and I had wait 48hrs for the results. In those 48hrs I prayed and prayed and prayed. I never took my heart or my focus off Jesus. 48hrs later Biopsy came back benign which means non-cancerous.
Oh, Thank you Jesus I shouted. Praise God.
After a month of waiting for my Genetics test to come back, dr. calls and says she would like to me with me to go over the results. Again, I prayed and just asked God to give an open heart and allow me to receive what every my ears may hear today with Peace in my heart. So the day comes that I needed to meet with my dr. get there a few minutes early just in case boxes of paperwork might need to be worked on. Sign in and I’m ready to pay my co-payment. Lady says that’s $60 please, with a huge smile. I looked at her like if she was crazy. $60 I asked but it’s always $30. She gave me this whole line up about insurance stuff I will never understand because they decide to change they ways every second of the day.
Some might say pay the $60 and move forward, trust me I would if I HAD $60. Sorry, I kind of yelled there. Forgive me. I showed up with a budget where I was stretching out my $30. So out of the office I go, crying and saying I Hate you Devil, you will not defeat me in this. and I started to pray.
Lord God help me, this isn’t fair Lord please help me to calm down, and refocus. And then he reminded me of what I had just prayed this morning about an open heart and to take everything I hear with peace. So I go back in, tears wiped off my face and ask to reschedule my appointment. In my head was a clock ticking because I was going to have to wait another week. I walk out of the office and call my hubby to tell him I had to reschedule and he said no go back in there I’ll pay the other half and God will provide the rest of what we need.
More tears came down, my husband is so wonderful to me. Trusting God is the best thing we can do.
I go back pay the payment and wait until they call me.
Mrs. Ramirez, I get the call and in I go. Heart racing, thoughts flowing, and God beside me every step of the way. I sit down Dr. Comes in with her greeting and her huge smile. I gave up trying to read faces, I’m not good at it. She hands me a folder that reads “Confidential patient test results inside.” when I’m thinking it should read. “Drive you crazy test results inside.”
The dr. has her copy I have mine, she opens it and says to me “Are you ok?”
I was like um, yes I’m fine, and really I’m not fine and I’m Thinking in my head,
– I just had a meltdown in your waiting room I couldn’t pay the copayment, and then I did pay it.
– I’ve been waiting FOREVER to get these results.
– My daughter just had a birthday party and I’m still wondering if it was good enough.
– My step son is leaving for the navy in a few days and will be gone for 4yrs.
– I’m trying to be strong for my husband and all 5 of our children we have living with us.
– I’m trying to be loving my step adult children who are grown but still need our love as well.
– One is having a birthday party which we can’t make it too
– Another got bit by some crazy giant spider and is cleaning it all out in my kitchen and I’m thinking
GERMS GERMS GERMS are going everywhere in the house and it looks like his arm could fall off.
– And our other adult child, well has everything under control.
– 5 young kids and 4 adult children, my husband, and oh yay me way back there somewhere waiting on results.
My mind is everywhere at once and all I can really share with my dr. is that “I’M FINE.”
She smiles as she continues, and says to me GREEN IS GOOD. I was like Ok Green is Good. Heart calming just a little. Results for my BRCA testing came back NEGATIVE.
THANK YOU JESUS, PRAISE THE LORD.
Everything felt like it was just thrown off the table and onto the floor and I didn’t have to clean it up.
I almost jumped up and hugged her. And then there came that one little word that can change everything.
“BUT”
But, what do you mean But.
Dr. continues to explain to me that although my BRCA Test was Negative, I carry the Gene called MSH2 also known as Colorectal Cancer. She tells me not to worry too much but that MORE TESTING CAN BE DONE.
Yes, I just rolled my eyes after I typed that in. MORE TESTING……..
Come to find out, like seriously I just found out yesterday, that my grandfather (my mom’s dad) had prostate cancer, and my uncle (my dad’s brother) also has prostate cancer and the gene I carry is linked with that.
O-V-E-R-W-H-E-L-M-E-D MUCH….DONT YOU THINK.
Y-E-S I AM.
But… there’s that word that can change everything
But you know I turn to God for everything.
Every Result, Every Testing, and Every Gene.
He is my covering, my protector, my healer.
Yea I will have my days of clock ticking, heart racing, and thought wondering kind of moments. BUT, I know how to still my heart and turn to God and allow myself to be overwhelmed by his presence in my life. Close my eyes and just release everything to him. He will handle it all, better than I can. Yes I was blindsided by the outcome of Colorectal Cancer but it doesn’t define who I am. God Defines Me, My life is about him. I will do all I have to do, to follow up with “MORE TESTING” But in the end God’s will for my life is what I want. And in this time of waiting I will continue to build relationships, draw closer to my God and build my character in His image. I know that there is still more for me to do. I will continue to move forward and defeat the devil because God has the Victory. Of course a continued Blog will come about as soon as I get my testing on. But for now I have to deal with what’s in front of me and walk with God in all that’s ahead for me. I would like to thank all those that took the time to read my blog, your continued prayers for my health is greatly appreciated. The Power of Prayer is so amazing and very overwhelming, in a good way, GOD’S WAY!
Many Blessings to you all!
– Monica Ramirez

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